Shopping With Conflict Diamonds: We Clarify Our Policies

Helping you get the most out of your conflict diamonds.  Because we care.

Conflict diamonds are a problem for any modern business.

The number of customers who select “Conflict Diamonds” as their method of payment is increasing every month.  At Dubious Merit Games we’ve developed an award-winning policy to clarify our procedures with regard to conflict diamonds, summarized in a pleasant series of FAQs.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.  We hope this clears up any misunderstandings.

Q:  “What happens when I ship my conflict diamonds to Dubious Merit Games?”

A:  We keep them.

Q:  “Great!  So you’ll send me their full market value in games?”

A:  No.

Q:  “Fair enough.  How about 40% of the market value?”

A:  No.  We actually send you nothing.

Q:  “What do you mean, nothing?  I don’t get anything for my conflict diamonds?”

A:  That’s right!  When you send us your conflict diamonds, think of it as similar to throwing them off a cliff.

Q:  “Huh, I’m having second thoughts.  Is there anything, other than money, I can send you to get a game?”

A:  Your naiveté is why we publish this series.  We accept, at our discretion:  Painstakingly crafted fan art, antique phone pole insulator caps in excellent condition, imaginative videos of Dubious Merit game play, and vintage guitars.

Q:  “Anything else I should know?”

A:  Along with your email or package be sure to include a detailed description of the game you want, and you’re all set.  Allow 157,680,000 seconds for delivery.

 

This concludes the training Shopping With Conflict Diamonds:  We Clarify Our Policies.  From the crack team that brought you #1 Cheeseburger:  An Exhausting Process That’s Totally Worth It.

 

Believe it or not, we have a video. 

With Robotic Bees.  Plus Tiny Sasquatch.

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