Helping you get the most out of your conflict diamonds. Because we care.
Conflict diamonds are a problem for any modern business.
The number of customers who select “Conflict Diamonds” as their method of payment is increasing every month. At Dubious Merit Games we’ve developed an award-winning policy to clarify our procedures with regard to conflict diamonds, summarized in a pleasant series of FAQs.
Thank you for taking the time to read it. We hope this clears up any misunderstandings.
Q: “What happens when I ship my conflict diamonds to Dubious Merit Games?”
A: We keep them.
Q: “Great! So you’ll send me their full market value in games?”
Q: “Fair enough. How about 40% of the market value?”
A: No. We actually send you nothing.
Q: “What do you mean, nothing? I don’t get anything for my conflict diamonds?”
A: That’s right! When you send us your conflict diamonds, think of it as similar to throwing them off a cliff.
Q: “Huh, I’m having second thoughts. Is there anything, other than money, I can send you to get a game?”
A: Your naiveté is why we publish this series. We accept, at our discretion: Painstakingly crafted fan art, antique phone pole insulator caps in excellent condition, imaginative videos of Dubious Merit game play, and vintage guitars.
Q: “Anything else I should know?”
A: Along with your email or package be sure to include a detailed description of the game you want, and you’re all set. Allow 157,680,000 seconds for delivery.
This concludes the training Shopping With Conflict Diamonds: We Clarify Our Policies. From the crack team that brought you #1 Cheeseburger: An Exhausting Process That’s Totally Worth It.
Believe it or not, we have a video.
With Robotic Bees. Plus Tiny Sasquatch.